I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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