I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
