Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
