I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
