Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
