note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
