We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
