Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
