i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
