What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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