don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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