so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
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