So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
