why didn't you poke me back
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
