I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
