im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
