I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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