sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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