i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
