Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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