so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
