we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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