Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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