I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
