The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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