So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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