My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
