I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Never underestimate the power of titties
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
