i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
