Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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