wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
