He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
