Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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