you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
