Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
