when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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