Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
