Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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