I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
