oh god the rape fog is back!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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