He had one of those small greek statue penises
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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