what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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