Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
