I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
