and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
