half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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