It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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