I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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