Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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