Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
