I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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