What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
