A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
