Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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