You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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