he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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