I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
